Expectations

As I am sure it is with all humans, the notion of expectations has been one I've increasingly grappled with in growing older, particularly within relationship. My personal trend is toward high expectations of others and even higher expectations for myself. With each of life's hard knocks my expectations of other have lowered of others and with each new to-my-knees moment my expectations of myself have (slowly!) been lowering.

After a breakup with a boyfriend about a year ago, conversation with friends and family seemed to center around the concept of "no expectations". A concept which I have no acquaintance with and honestly, I don't think any of you do either, no matter how much pain life's thrown onto your shore. (I have met people who seem remarkably good at having no expectations but, as I've grown closer in my relationship with them, I've only found such to be a mask or a substantial denial.) Anyways...after reading one of Jason Upton's blog entries, I've begun to think the conversation of high expectation - low expectation - no expectation may not exactly be the terms with which God approaches the topic "expectation". So often I think we leave God out of our conversation about expectation. Without God any one take (high, low, or no) leads to hopelessness, I think.

I like the angle Upton takes to the topic...

"Tonight Samuel and I read the story of ‘Jacob and Esau making peace'. The verse that stuck out to me the most tonight is Genesis 33:10, where Jacob says to Esau "And what a relief to see your friendly smile. It is like seeing the face of God." Jacob was preparing to meet a very angry and bitter Esau, but instead was received with Love and forgiveness. I believe one of the practical ways God reveals himself to us is by countering our expectations with the "last thing we expect." Expectations are one of the ways we feel in control of what is going on around us, but also one of the great blinders over our eyes from seeing God. Sometimes it is a fearful experience when things don't turn out the way we plan. Other times (like with Jacob) it is a great relief when things don't turn out the way we plan. Either way, these are often the moments in life that we see the face of God most clearly.

Today I had an experience like this. I went to the U-haul store to pick up some boxes for my wife Rachel. The clerk at the register's name was Anton. As he was taking the money I owed, I noticed his two pinky fingers were bent inward. The only other person I know that has bent pinky fingers is my friend Brandon Hampton, and he says it helps him play the guitar. All of the sudden I sensed that I was to tell Anton that God had made his pinky's that way for the purpose of being a great guitar player and they were not a deformity. Let me just say that Anton was a very large African American man who did not look like he was having a great day to begin with. I was a little worried that he might think I was calling his fingers deformed and beat me right there at the u-haul store. I told him anyway. His face got real sober and he looked up at me and said "that is really strange, because I have been learning how to play the banjo." All of the sudden he got this HUGE smile on his face as if to say ‘I need to keep playing because playing the banjo is part of my destiny." Seeing Anton's smile was like seeing the face of God. I walked out of that U-haul store with the sense that I had been face to face with God.

None of this happened today because of my expectations. My circumstances today did not at all point toward seeing the face of God. God surprised me by letting me see and experience something I was not able to expect. God's nature seems to force humanity to expect nothing but surprises."